Religious Humor

Three lutheran pastors were talking over lunch and before long found themselves discussing how much of the weekly donations was appropriate to keep and how much to give the Lord. The pastor says, "I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on both sides, and throw the money into the air... whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's and whatever lands on the left is mine." The second pastor notes that he uses a similiar method, but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine." They both contemplate each others answer and finally turn to the third pastor who is sitting there without saying anything. "Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third. "Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the air, but I figured whatever the Lord wants, he'll grab, and I keep whatever hits the floor."

Non-Religious Humor

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times, "the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me breakfast and told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, "the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once, "he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop."