Friday, May 1, 2009

Religious Humor

Mormon Hip-Hop Scene.

The Mormon hip-hop scene is a blast with the musical stylings of the
hardcore rap Group, “Bring uhm Young” – and their debut album,
“She puts the ‘ho’ back in wholesome.

MC Orrin, the front man of the group said the album’s sound is a
fusion of old school rap, Negro spirituals, speed metal, with
samplings from Yanni.

Mainly it’s bout keeping it real, MC Orrin explained, “Taking bout
growing up as a Mormon during the hard times of the Bush recession
of the early 90s when many Mormons had to work retail.

Indeed, the opening track hits right to the core of what it means to be
a follower of Lil’ Jo Jo Smith:

First Track: Sitting on my banna seat
Second Track: Cruising in old Salt Lake
Third Track: Slamming down ‘40s of caffeine free diet Pepsi
Four Track: I'm With my church youth outreach group

MC Orrin, Funky Daddy Wendell, and DJ Jazzy Ezekiel, whos not here
right now Because he’s on his two year mission to French Guyana…

Pimp Slappin ‘Mormon Style, Pimp Slappin ‘Mormon Style…

Religious Humor

Who Are Those Men?

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service". Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

Religious Humor

Satan Visits The Church.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

Non-Religious Humor

Sarge.

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?""Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"

Non-Religious Humor

Bill, Hillary, and Gore.

Bill, Hillary and Vice President Gore were on their way back to Washington on Air Force One, when Bill said " I'd like to drop a $100 bill out of the plane and make one person very happy".Hillary thought for a moment then replied "I’d rather drop ten, $10 bills out and make ten people very happy".To which Vice President Gore said " I would drop a hundred $1 bills out and make a hundred people very happy".The pilot then spoke up and said " Why don't all three of you jump out and make 250 million people very happy?"

Non-Religious Humor

I Put Him There To Dry.

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."